Do you still hate me?

i hate school

2003-03-27T23:07:25Z

ive seriously studied for the last 5 hours . you can die from that, right?

i need to have some serious fun this weekend

just got home

2003-03-22T08:37:10Z

i went out to diner with my cousins tonight. ive been really down lately. the whole war and stuff. i am just really upset about the actions of our presendent. and im also really mad how alot of people dot really understand whats going on and the media doesnt really help with giving a really one sided view of everthing.

i have to work at 630 in the morning. hopefully it will be all sunny again tomarrow like it was today.
oh yeah and i talked to chars mom and i think that itll be cool because she is only inviting a few people and its going to be at joes crab shack so it wont be too long.
i have some more beer to drink with my cousins before i go to sleep
bye.
peace

help me please

2003-03-18T08:26:46Z

i need advice fast.
so char's mom called me tonight at like 10. and she told me that she was planning a suprise party for her(her birthday is on the 26th). and she wanted to know if i would go. she said she had already called a bunch of people and she was trying to set a date where all of her close friends could go.
now heres the problem.
i know char veryveryvery well probably closer than anyone else and delenently like 20 times closer than her mom.
but when char turned 16 her mom threw her a suprise birthday party.
char has told me on a few occasions that this was the absolute worst day of her life. she just hates having to entertain people. and last time her mom invited all these people that she kew along with school friends and family and church friends and family friends. and char had to go around and talk to everyone. i can understand why she wouldnt be happy. im not sure if her mom knows this .
plus she has finals all week and is really stressed and tired from all that..and her mom wants to have it this weekend.
i dont know if i should go along with the suprise thing or if i should tell her.
i can totaly picture her calling up her mom and being real mad and then calling everyone she knows and telling them there is no party.
and i think char would be mad at me if i didnt tell her .
id be pissed.
but i dont know if its my place to say anything.

pleaseplease leave me some suggestions
i really dont know what to do and im kinda stressed

im tired

2003-03-17T18:47:10Z

i didnt sleep too much last night
maybee two hours and it was this morning when it was light outside
im tired of being hassled by my father for money that i was supposed to give him
im tired of work
it doesnt pay well and i have to be there in 35 min
im tired of school
i already fucked up in two classes and i have to go today to go drop them
im tired of my friends
so much time spent toward relationships that they couldnt give a fuck about.
im tired of being broke
and wearing the same cloths and not being able to buy shit or go to shows when i want.
im tired of being depressed whennever i watch the news

i want to start changing

i hate when it rains because in puddles i encounter the sky

2003-03-15T19:11:46Z

last night was fun. drank alot. found new places that i never want to go to again.
gemma is real cool. i hope she had a little fun.
today is her birthday so i think ill call her on her break
aight im off to work.

is a good day

2003-03-15T00:44:31Z

i thought it was going to be all shitty and cloudy but the sun came ou around noon and it was a nice warm day
i got the new slightly stoopid cd..is good(not as good as athe other cds but still good) im all super excited to see them at the house of blues on tues. im goin with my cousin ryan and ernie and chris and his wife. well drink some beers and have alot of fun. hopefully there will be no trouble like last time but ernie and ryan will be there if there is.
i went to the mall and got some more hair gel and drooled over video games that i need to buy. it was fun.
tonight im taking jemma out for her birthday. its tomarrow and she turns 21 so were going for drinks at midnight. and alisha and carla are having a party tonight so i might stop by there first. i think im going to wash my car right now .
later

lemonyelowblack @ 2003-03-13T13:21:00

2003-03-13T21:56:13Z

iim not doing good this semester at school. i just cant bring myself to study and do homework and o to class everyday . i dont know whats wrong with me.
i saw char again last night and she might come by in a little while.
i havent really talked about her on my journal but me and her have been dating for about a year , minus the summer and the last month. we were pretty serious and shes the only girl that i have ever felt really compatible with. i think shes one of the only people who have ever really understood me, and i dont think anyone but me understands her. but weve had alot of drama and i think that this whole journal thing was to get away from her. i know that sounds terrible. i just dont know how to deal with things like this. but i think that we became too close and clingy and i dont want a relationship like that . i found myself in positions where i had to compromise too much of myself and she had to do the same. and i dont really see that as a good thing. like maybee in a few years or something i will get all serious and compromise and get a lame title of bf/gf but i dont see that in the near future. i have too much to learn about myself.
and lauren just got a lj account but i didnt tell her that i have one.
well i have to finish my reading for class
peace,

lemonyelowblack @ 2003-03-10T10:15:00

2003-03-10T18:37:08Z

i just woke up.
its a perfect day to be at the beach.
i have to be at work in 44 min.
i went to bed really late because char came over.
i think that i want her around more .
i miss her.
i think that i love her still.
im supposed to go to alishas tonight after school.
i dont know what to do.

so i havent posted all weekend

2003-03-09T22:09:45Z

ive been pretty busy. worked yesterday and i have to work today at 3. last night i went to el torito with my cousin ryan and my friend mark. it was alot of fun. we ate and drank taquila. then me and my cousin went to savon and saw model cars so we bought some and we built them on my balcony all night , i didnt go to sleep till 6. mines a 1960 for starliner, ryans was a chevy with hydrolics.
on thursday alisha cut my hair. i was going grow it out but i couldnt stand it anymore. now i have a mohawk. its pretty rad and my mom doesnt like it and gives me a dirty look everytime she sees me.
thursday night i stayed at alishas and we went to the beach in the morning and she made breakfast.
i missed the firetheft show on fri and i missed a bunch of good shows yesterday. tonight pretty girls make graves is playing but i think its sold out . on tues im going to see matt embree play with lori. i havent seen her in a while i miss her. i want to start hanging out with her again.
im hungry.byee

lemonyelowblack @ 2003-03-06T09:34:00

2003-03-06T18:00:27Z

i have this new weird habbit of waking up super early. its alot better than my old habit of waking up at noon so im not complaining too much. friday the fire theft is playing i can wait. but i dont have any money so im not sure how im going to go. i might get a paycheck on fri but im not 100 percent sure. i worked at a different store alot last week and i havent gotten paid for it yet because theyre on a different pay cycle.
and my old friend from high school, david krudolf is coming up from sandiego on friday ..itll be cool to hang out with him, maybee hell wnat to go see the fire theft.
i have to work today at 12 till 5 and then class at 5, i guess ill either have to leave early or miss class.
i think im going to alisha's tonight. her roomate is out of town

i dont know if im going to be able to afford to go to coachella its like 140 dolars for both days. if i cant go ill just go to the atmosphere/blue print show on the 26th...thatll be a good show.
aight , i have to read for my politics class, bye

lemonyelowblack @ 2003-03-05T18:49:00

2003-03-06T03:05:00Z

im not catholic but i gave up greasy food for lent

its nice and warm

2003-03-05T20:27:43Z

i dont really feel like updating my journal. but thers some things about last night i need to put down. my relationship with lauren has changed abunch and i dont know if i want to talk to her any more. and alisha is acting weird and warning me about her behavior issues. why do i get mixed up with people that i cant relate to. i guess im attracted to drama or something. i just want to have a relationship with soimeone who is on the same level as me. i really need some sort of connection. i miss char.

hardwood floors are a bitch

2003-03-03T23:28:35Z

my friend marisa just told me a funny story:
when she was twelve and lived at home she was watching tv with her little sister late at night. and her parents had already went to bed and their room was right above the living room where they were. and they heard a thud and then a loud vibrating on the hardwood floor above them. hahahahah that would have been the worst thing in the world to hear.

babaji is accros the street

2003-03-03T19:55:55Z

i just got home from visiting my neighbor marisa at work. shes cool and told me about an indian spirit guy that moves from body to body and is in a cave somewhere in an 18 year olds body. i think the homeless guy thats chillin across the street from my house looks like a babaji. im gonna look it up right now on the internet and see what i can find.
i decided that i want to learn to read brail.i just think it would be fun to collect books in brail. and maybee take one and read at the beach with my eyes closed. that would be an amazing feeling.
yesterday i went to my grandmas house for her birthday..ate enchaladas...hung out with my cousins. then i went out to fullerton and saw lauren. shes real fun.
we sat and watched trains go by at the station . i smashed a penny and gave it to her. its her day off i told her to call me in the morning and come over and id make her breakfast. but she hasnt called and i doubt she will. she seems to have alot of stuff going on. thats cool i just wish i could see her more.
my dad is home right now he just asked me about the money i was supposed to give him for car insurance. but i dont have any money. i havent been working alot and i barely paid for my phone bill and some books i needed for my lit class. im really sick of being broke and living with my parents. but i really cant work alot right now with school and everything and i kind of like living at home right now..my parents are pretty cool and i will probably move out soon and ill always look back and miss it so i want it to last a while longer
enough rambling for right now im going to make some food
bye

today was a good day ..i didnt even have to use my AK.....

2003-03-01T22:47:05Z

spent the night at alishas last night. im really starting to like her. i spent pretty much the whole day whith her, after work i went over and we took a long nap. then we went out to get mexican food. then we went to the beach at night to meet my cousin for her birthday. all of her friends were there it was pretty cool. i missed the bloodbrothers/milemarker show. tonight bane is playing but i dont have any money so i probably wont go. i woke up real late this morning and went over to work and drank coffee with this old guy dale and talked about polotics and life. its such a nice day today i want to go to the beach right now........shit i guess not. work just called and martha is throwing up and cant work any more. i guess ill be at work all day.
cya

rafiki is the best

2003-02-27T23:52:39Z

im watching the lion king with my brother and eating pizza. im such a nerd. its awsome.

lemonyelowblack @ 2003-02-27T13:41:00

2003-02-27T22:06:47Z

i woke up at 5:30 this morning and i still havent done anything. i need to stop playing video games, seriously. i just dont feel motivated at all
i have so much reading to do for class tonight. i should really start working on it. but i need to eat first.
I have only been working two or three days a week, and it seems like i have too much time on my hands. and it doesnt help that i only go to class half of the time. i need to find a new job or a hobby or someone new thatll take up all of my thoughts so i dont have to sit around bored. i just want to be excited about something. my friends are cool and the girl i am seeing is great but i think i need someone new, maybee thats why i spend hours searching lj for people i like. i think i just need to know that im not the only one that feels like this.
and mr rogers died..that sucks man, i remember when i was little i would watch him everyday.
i think i should start surfing again..that would probably make me feel better. its funny that i used live 30 min away from the beach and i would surf 4 times a week. now i live 2 blocks away and i barely go.it just used to be such an adventure , me and a couple friends would pile the boards on my car and we would drive down beach blvd and spend all day just fucking around.
and coachella is only 2 months away..i need to get some money. its like 150 dollars for both days. and im soo broke. but i have to go sonic youth is playing and queens and aesop rock and murs and redhot chillepeppers its going to be soo fun.
my brother just got home
alright ineed to go make some food
peace

woke up early ....drank some coffee

2003-02-26T18:49:54Z

i have to go to work in about an hour. i added a couple people to my friends list and i hope they add me back.

lemonyelowblack @ 2003-02-26T00:13:00

2003-02-26T08:28:33Z

i dont think im going to explain everything thats been going on, but i think i have everything figured out now. I think i just need to find a better balance of everything in my life and i need to enjoy myself more. tonight was fun, i went to alisha's house and drank some beer with russel and karla. i have to work tomarrow but i think it'll be fine.
I want to call lauren but ithink its too late, shes probbly asleep. She was kinda upset yesterday about some shit she has going on, i really hope she feels better. I care about her alot and i want to see her more, butits hard because she lives all the way out in anaheim hills.
i think this week will be alot better than last.

its raining

2003-02-25T09:30:38Z

so much has been going on in my life. i really dont want to talk about it, and i dont really want to think about it anymore.maybee ill write about it tomarrow
i had a good night though, i saw my neighbor's band play at dipiazza's , they are so awsome. no work tomarrow just school at 5. i think im going to wake up late and play some music.

this week sucks

2003-02-20T01:15:03Z

just got home from work
my sub just blew on my computer speakers
the speakers dont even turn on now
i took a shower but i still smell like coffee
my math test is at 7
i dont know shit
i need to go buy my mathbook right now so i can study
i dont wantto but i really haveto

every action has a point , five points make a fist

2003-02-19T00:28:13Z

i just got home from work. im supposed to be at class at 5 but i dont think im going to go. I ditched last night and got drunk at alisha's house. sometime durning my drunkness lauren called...i think dont remember exactly what i said but i dont think i hid that i was pissed very well. I called her on my brake at work and she didnt answer her phone. I hope shes not upset.
ive felt weird all day. i just feel that i have so much going on that i dont want to do anything. I think im going over my friend kellys house right now instead of school. im probbably going to get stoned and try to figure out how im going to get to see saul williams tonight. Fuck school.

today sucks

2003-02-18T02:00:26Z

i just typed out a long post and it got erased...im soo pissed now. Not only do i feel like shit because im tired..because i stayed up all late talk ing to this girl that im really into....and i worked all morning, but because she was supposed to come over right now but she just came online and told me that she was going to go to a show in fullerton with her friend john .....and that i should go. But i dont have the money to go to the show and i guess she doesnt either because hes going to pay for it and pick her up. that really sucks because i really wanted to see her and we talked about some serious shit last night and i dont understand why she would flake. She was planning to come over since like last week. This guy john isnt a bad guy , hes pretty cool, but he is totaly into her and she knows but pretends not to because hes soo not her type. I know he feels all threatened by me. So im sure he didnt give a fuck that she had plans with me. and i dont know when im going to see her now. We were supposed to go tomarrow to see saul williams but she had to work and i cant afford the 16.00 to get in. This week is going to be fuckin hell too, i have work every morning and school every night. and now i dont have shit to look forward to. i wish sometimes things would work out better.

and my webpage is all messed up and i cant get a connection. And the support is real slow i probbably wont get help for awile. fuuuckk

and i have school tonight...no day off for me.

after dinner

2003-02-17T05:20:03Z

so i went out to dinner with my parents at hennesy's , itwas really good. iT was buy one turkey dinner get one free. ALl three of us got one and there was an extra one so i ate it. Im soo full. It was nice, i got some good conversation in with my parents. We had some disagreements about polotics. My parents both seem to think that we shouldnt question our stupid presedent because he is trying to protect us and that our peace of mind is more important than the thousands of iraqi lives that would be lost in war. I just think its funny that both of them get their news from tv and they swear that they know more than me.
i also talked to lauren today, shes adorable. i wantto take her to see my boat this week. i think shes going to come over tomarrow im happy. she is working at borders right now, she wantd me to call her because she works at the information booth and answers the phone all night. i think im going to call her right now, byeee.

i feel alone quite often....

2003-02-17T01:55:12Z

i was late to work today. it made me ffeel like shit because other people had to do more work then they should have untill i got there. i woke up to my house phone ringing and i reilized it was 7:40...i was supposed to be there at 730

sometimes i feel like my life is a bunch of obligations